Linda's car was in the drive when Joe and Jay pulled in. Joe
had consumed two drinks with Jay, and he was certainly feeling the
effects. Jay worried that Linda would be irritated with him, as if
it was his fault that Joe had gotten the buzz which lowered his
inhibitions and made him talk about anything which came to his
head. Apparently, a great many things were passing through Joe's
head this evening. He seemed to constantly talk about something or
another during the drive to Linda's.
They went inside where Linda was sitting on the lounge
watching the news on TV. "Hello, Joe. And you too, Jay. What
have you two been up too?"
"We went flying," Joe said. "I just had to get away for a
while."
"And I had better be going," Jay said, edging toward the door.
"Aww, come on Jay, stick around a while," Joe asked. He
didn't want his friend to leave. He liked being around Jay.
"No, I better be going," Jay repeated. His new feelings for
his pal were difficult enough to deal with, without being around
Linda, too.
Joe could sense Jay was uncomfortable. He decided to let his
friend go. If Jay did have new feelings for him, he didn't want
Linda to find out. Not yet, anyway. Things were already confusing
enough.
Jay left, leaving Joe alone with Linda. She came over to
where he was seated, and started massaging his neck. It felt good,
but Joe was becoming uncomfortable being around her, with touching
her. He wasn't sure why, but it was a strange thing to deal with.
He just didn't know how to handle it.
Joe leaned back, and looked up at Linda. She smiled lovingly
as she looked into his eyes.
"Linda, am I, are we, ah, er, becoming lesbians?"
She looked at him. "Do you feel like one?" she asked,
smiling.
"I don't know," Joe said. Although he was still feeling the
effects of the drinks, he had still had trouble talking about his
new feelings. "I realize that I can't be a man. I just don't look
like a man anymore, and I guess I don't feel like one either, at
least not the way I should, when I'm with you. I think I'm still
changing, still turning more female, and I really don't know when
it will stop, or what I can do about it."
"So, You don't like to be around me?" Linda asked.
"No, no, it isn't that," Joe answered, taking her hand. "I
like to be around you, hell, I NEED to be around you. Who else
could help me deal with all this?"
"I don't know what we are, Joe Bates. If you think you're,
we're both, lesbians, then I guess that's what we are. Does it
matter to you?"
"Linda, I'm a guy, at least I was a guy. To me, you're a good
looking woman. You still are. But look at me. I don't look
anything like I used to. Maybe I'm a woman, maybe I just look like
one, but whatever I am, I just don't understand what you see in me
anymore."
"Joe, to me you're the guy I love." Linda said. "I don't
what's going to happen to us, but I know I'll stay with you as long
as you want me to. Sure, I wish you still had your male body.
God, I hope you can get it back, but if you can't, I think I can
handle it, if you want to. But I guess I'll understand if you
don't."
"Look at us," Joe said. "We look like two women, I mean, I
guess we ARE two women."
"But if they change you back, it can be like it was, can't
it?"
"If that happens, I still want to get married. That is, if you
still say yes." Joe smiled.
"I'm ready as soon as you can arrange it." Linda assured him,
tousling the hair of his hairpiece.
Joe reached up, quickly but carefully pulled the wig off, and
tossed it on the low table in front of them. "This darn thing is
hot and irritating. I guess I look better with it, but I sure wish
I didn't need it."
Linda started to run her fingers through Joe's natural hair.
It was slightly damp with perspiration, and it smelled faintly of
the perfume he had put on earlier. Joe leaned back and enjoyed her
gentle touch. With his body feminized as it was, everything that
touched it felt different now, usually more sensuous. He still
hadn't adjusted to the heightened sense of touch.
"Why don't you have your hair done?" Linda asked. "You don't
need to wear that wig."
"What do you mean? My hair isn't long enough yet, is it?"
"Well, it could be a little longer," Linda agreed, pulling his
hair down in front, like bangs. "But I think there might be some
kind of style that would work with the length you've got."
"Do you really think so?" Joe couldn't wait to do without the
wig.
"Do you want me to call Sally?" Linda asked. Sally was
Linda's hairdresser.
"Will you have to tell her about me?"
"Not if you don't want her to know. I doubt if she would
believe it anyway. I can tell her you are your sister, from St.
Louis or somewhere, if that's what you want."
"Yes. I do. I don't want everybody knowing about this yet.
Not until I'm sure we can't be changed back."
Linda sat next to Joe, and picked up the cordless phone
beside the lounge and punched in a number. "Sally, this is Linda
Mitchell. Hi. Yeah, I'm fine. No, I have someone here whom I'd
like you to see. He, She needs her hair done. It's very short; a
friend cut it for her and she hates it. Yes. I think that would
be ok. Just a minute." Linda looked at Joe. "Can you go
tomorrow?"
"I don't have to come in to work till noon, at the earliest."
"Really?" Linda went back to the phone. "Sally, she's free
tomorrow morning. Yes. Great. I'll tell her. Her name is Joel.
Joel Bates. Yeah, she's Joe's sister, from St. Louis. Yes. I
think they are twins, fraternal twins."
Joe cringed as he listened to the story Linda was concocting.
He hoped her lie didn't come back to haunt him. Twin sister huh?
Well, He did look a lot like his own twin sister, if he had one.
Linda finished the call and hung up. Joe got up from the
couch. He started to go to his room.
"Oh, that reminds me." Linda said. "I was in Bullock's over
lunch, and I found this fantastic dress. I just knew it would be
right for you. I know you'll like it. I put it on your bed."
Great, Joe thought. Now my girl friend is buying me dresses
she just knows would be RIGHT for me.
Joe went to his room, Linda following close behind. On the
bed lay the dress. It was a twill cotton shirtdress with a notch
collar surplice top. It had a pleated knee-length straight skirt,
and it was an olive color. There was a wide, fabric covered,
matching color belt with a gold buckle. Linda was right, as
usual. He liked it immediately.
"You've got to try it on," Linda insisted. "If it doesn't fit,
or you if don't like it, I'll return it tomorrow. I think it's a
little big for me, but it's probably just your size."
Joe picked it up by the hanger and looked it over.
"Come on Joe, try it on. I just know it'll look great on
you."
As Linda watched, Joe pulled the T-shirt over his head. The
thin fabric of his bra's seamless cups did nothing to hide the
little points of his erect nipples. He absent-mindedly rubbed his
hand across his breasts, and then looked down at them. He saw
Linda watching, and it made him blush.
She smiled when she saw he was embarrassed. "How is it Joe,
are you getting used to all this?" she asked sympathetically.
He looked at her and smiled. "I guess I'll live."
"I see you changed clothes when you came from work." Linda
looked at the bra and panties laying on the bed. It was obvious
that they had been previously worn. "Underwear too?"
"Yeah." Joe said. How could he explain this? "I just wanted
to. I don't know why."
"Sure." Linda said. "Wear whatever makes you feel good."
Joe unbuttoned the gray shorts and slipped out of them. When
Linda saw he wore the black thong bikini, her grin got wider.
"God, Joe, you are so attractive. I don't blame you for wanting to
wear things like that."
"What do you mean? You wear stuff like this, too." The
panties tickled where they touched him, and he idly scratched his
pubic area as he spoke.
"You've never seen me in thong back undies." Linda denied. "I
think they make my hips look too big. They look absolutely great
on you, though."
"I didn't ask to be this way." Joe said. "But I'm going to
try to make the best of what I have left."
"Well, I really wish you were still male," Linda said, "but
you do make a great looking woman."
Yeah, Joe thought. That's what everybody thinks. His best
friend, and now, his fiance. Could it happen that Linda and Jay
might change places in his life?
"I'm trying my best. But I've got to say, it's a little weird
when your girl friend, your fiance, buys dresses for you."
"I'm sorry. I just thought you would like it. I know you
need clothes for work if they don't get you changed back soon."
"Don't be sorry. I really like the dress. You have excellent
taste. That's only one of the reasons I love you. But I still
have to get accustomed to wearing this stuff." Joe removed the
dress from the hanger, and pulled it over his head.
Without the extra hair of the wig, his head went through the
neck opening very easily. Joe smoothed the pleats around his hips,
and arranged the collar around his neck. The dress was the fullest
he had ever worn till now, and it felt a bit strange. He went to
the dresser mirror, and liked what he saw.
The new dress was perfect. It fit like it was made just for
his new shape. He even liked the neckline. The color was exactly
right for him, too. He critically examined his short hair. Yeah,
it did seem a little longer now. Maybe he really could get by
without the wig. He would go to Sally's tomorrow. Joe discovered
what most natural women know. A new dress worked wonders, and
helped to make him feel good about his appearance.
Linda watched as Joe looked at his image in the mirror. It
was obvious to her that he was becoming more familiar with the
changes that had taken place. When he first came to her with his
problem, he was embarrassed, awkward, and almost afraid to touch
the parts of his body that had changed the most. Now, he acted
much more naturally. He adjusted the collar, and tugged at the
bodice to make it fit his shape. It was only when he saw her
looking that he showed any sign of embarrassment.
"It is getting easier, isn't it?" Linda said.
Joe looked at her. He didn't know how to answer. It was
true, it was getting easier. He had to admit that he did like
being able to wear clothes like those he had on. As he continued
to get used to the way his body had changed, he found that it
wasn't so bad either. Of course, having these new hormones working
you over helped a lot in that area.
"Yes. It is, sometimes," Joe admitted. "But I don't know if
I really want it to be so easy. I don't know if I want to give up
my manhood. I mean I guess it's already gone, but if I can get it
back, I think I should want it back, shouldn't I?"
"Only you can answer that," Linda said. "Nobody else, not me,
not the doctors, nobody but you can decide that."
"I don't know if I can make an intelligent decision about
this. I change my mind as often as my clothes."
"Some say that's a woman's right," Linda said, laughing.
"So now I have womens' rights too?"
"I'd say you've earned them, wouldn't you?"
Joe just looked at her and smiled. "Do you want me like this,
or the way I was?"
Linda looked at her fingernails. Then she looked back at him.
"Joe, don't worry about what I like, or what I want," she said, the
smile leaving her face as she spoke. "You do what's right for you.
I'll want you however you are."
Joe turned and looked in the mirror. By now, he had grown
accustomed to how he looked with the wig. His short hair looked
strange, and sort of exotic. He touched his cheek, feeling the
softness. His hand then went to his breast. He cupped it, as if
estimating its weight, then squeezed it slightly. The hand then
continued lower, and he carefully felt his pubic area through the
dress.
"I really do look like a girl, don't I?" Joe said, turning to
look at Linda. "I just checked, and I guess I feel like one now
too. I don't have any choice in the matter, but that's what I am.
If tomorrow, next month, or next year they tell me I can go back,
then I'll have a difficult decision to make. Till then I guess
this person in the mirror is what I am."
"And I'll help you." Linda said. "However you want to handle
it, I'll help you."
"Should I wear this tomorrow? Can I wear it to get a hair
cut?"
"You can if you want to. It'll probably take less than an
hour."
Joe thought about Sally's, all the women just sitting around,
talking, gossiping, about god knows what. If they even suspected
that he was really a guy, a rooster in the hen-house, he could
imagine the disturbance it would create. Of course, there is no
way he would be detected, he may not always know precisely how to
act like a woman, but nobody could ever get him confused with a
man. Not unless he told them. And even then it's doubtful they'd
believe him.
Joe unbuckled and unbuttoned the dress, pulled it over his
head and placed it back on the hanger. He had never thought of
himself as a clothes horse, but now he found himself hoping
tomorrow would get here, just so he could wear the dress. So many
things are so different, he thought to himself.
He reluctantly hung the dress in the closet, and then gathered
his underwear from the bed. He took it into the bathroom, and
piled it on the sink. He would hand wash it before he went to bed
as Linda had taught him.
Linda was watching him carefully, and when he came back into
the bedroom, she spoke. "I think you're going to be all right, Joe
Bates."
"Yeah." Joe agreed. "I'm really great at washing panties,
aren't I," he said, with a little sarcasm showing.
"What's that about? Do you have a problem all of a sudden?"
"No. Not all of a sudden," Joe said. "I just thought about
what I could be doing besides washing out underwear, that's all."
"Hey. We all have our little details." Linda said. "You're not
above them, and there's no reason to feel sorry for yourself. You
say you've had genetic damage. Well, then it could probably be a
lot worse, you know. You could be dependent on me, or somebody
else to feed you, or dress you, you could be a vegetable, or
something. I think you are all damn lucky all you lost was your
precious manhood."
Joe was surprised at Linda's reaction to his slight bitching.
But she was right. It could be a lot worse.
Joe put his shorts and T-shirt back on. Linda went to the
kitchen, and when he finished dressing, he joined her.
"Are you hungry?" Linda asked.
"Oh, I guess I could eat something." Joe answered.
"I was just going to have some watermelon." Linda said. "But
we could grill some chicken breasts if you want more than that."
"No." Joe answered. "If I'm going to be a girl, I guess I
should get used to eating like a bird." He grinned.
They sat at the little counter, sharing little chunks of
watermelon that Linda had cut up earlier and placed in the
refrigerator to cool. They made small talk, with Joe asking Linda
how her day went, and then explaining what was happening at
Honeybone.
"So when will they experiment on humans?" Linda asked.
"I don't know." Joe answered. "I guess it depends on what
happens with whatever else they try."
"Who will be the first of you four to try it?" She continued.
"Would you want to be the first?"
Right now I don't know if I would ever want to try it, he
thought to himself.
"I don't know who would be the first." He answered. "Dave has
already volunteered. He can't wait to be changed back."
"I'll just have to get over to talk to Cindy." Linda said.
"Dave must be driving her crazy."
"He certainly isn't all that pleased with the situation." Joe
said. "I guess I felt like he does right after it happened, but
now it's different, I guess I'm just starting to get used to it or
something."
"If I were changed into a guy, I don't think I could ever get
used to it." Linda mused. "I might like it, but I think I'd miss
being inside my own body."
"But that's not how it feels at all." Joe said. "It still
feels like I'm in my regular body. Sure, there are differences,
having boobs, not having a penis, and those cause some things to
feel different, and it's harder to do some things, but usually I
really don't feel that much different than before. At least not
physically"
"What do you mean, not physically?" Linda asked. "I would
think that would be the biggest difference."
"At first, it seemed like it was, but you begin to get used to
that, sort of," Joe explained. "But later, I think it just really
started a couple days ago. Something else happened; I don't know, I
guess I started thinking differently, seeing the world different-
ly."
"Seeing the world differently?" Linda repeated. "How do you
see the world now, compared to before?"
"Well, now that I've been going around, looking like this, "
Joe put both hands on his chest under his breasts, pushing them up.
"I guess I've been given a new perspective to see life. Things
that I've always taken for granted, they're either changed, some a
little, some a lot, or else they're probably gone completely to me.
Maybe I'll get used to it, practically everything about this seems
to get easier with each passing day, but I have had to learn how to
cope with so many different things, new desires, I don't even know
what I'm talking about some times."
"What are the new desires?" Linda asked immediately. "Do you
like men, or are you talking about something else?"
"I have to admit," Joe continued. "Being with a guy has
crossed my mind, more than once."
"What about me, about us?" Linda questioned.
Joe looked at her.
"I don't know." He said. "But I do know I don't feel like I
did a week ago. I just don't see how I could. Hell, I'm only
human."
"What's going to happen, Joe?" Linda asked.
"I wish I knew." He replied. "Whatever is happening to me, to
my head, it has me going up and down. Sometimes I don't think I've
ever been happier in my life, and then, in just a matter of
seconds, I'm crying out of control. I don't know what causes it,
maybe it's normal for a woman. I don't know how a woman is
supposed to feel. I only know how I feel."
"Do you want to stay like that?" Linda asked. "Do you want to
stay a woman?"
"I can't answer that." Joe said. "If I answer the way I feel,
I'd have to change what I say every few minutes. There are a lot
of interesting things about being like this, I've started to love
the clothes, can you believe it, me? But then, I think about my
plans, "
"What plans?" Linda asked.
"You know, Us." Joe explained. "One week ago, I thought I'd
be getting married, we'd have a few kids, maybe, eventually, but
now, "
"Does it have to be so different?" Linda wondered.
"Different?" Joe said. "Come on Linda. Sure, maybe we could
still live together, maybe we can sleep together, but that won't
make it like it was. Maybe I can still make you come, but I damn
sure can't make you pregnant."
"We could adopt," Linda said simply.
"Do you really think they'd let two WOMEN adopt?" Joe said
sarcastically.
"We could try, couldn't we?" Linda asked.
"Linda, I've already turned in the paperwork, I'm legally
female now," Joe reminded her. "And even if they somehow let us
marry anyway, you probably wouldn't be happy with me. You're a
normal, healthy woman. You'd want to be with a man, eventually.
Hell, I might want to too."
"So what should we do?" Linda wondered aloud.
"I don't know." Joe said. "But we don't have to rush
anything, at least not for a while. Give them a chance to examine
what has happened, and maybe they can get us back."
They finished eating, and Joe cleaned up the dishes. Then he
went to his room. It was after ten, and the things that had
happened that day had left him tired. Linda came to his room.
"Are you going to bed?" She asked.
"Yeah," Joe said. "I'll shower, and then I think I'll turn in."
Linda went to her room, and Joe went to his bathroom, closing
the door. He undressed, and started the shower running. As he was
soaping down, he felt his legs. Noticing stubble, he got the shave
cream and razor, and shaved his legs, underarms, and then carefully
trimmed his pubic area.
If I ever do change back, I think I'd still want to keep my
legs and armpits shaved, he thought to himself as he used the
razor. I wonder why men don't do this. Probably because they're
pretty hairy all over, he remembered. Last week, before this
happened to him, his chest, and even his arms, had been covered
with much coarser hair. That had all fallen out. He found it on
his bedsheets, and now, except for his head, crotch, legs and
underarms, the hair that remained was much shorter, finer, almost
down-like. He liked the feel of his smooth, practically hairless
body now that it was feminized.
After finishing up, Joe stepped out of the shower and dried
with a large bath towel. As he rubbed the towel over his breasts,
and then the still somewhat unfamiliar, delicate area between his
legs, he thought about how much had changed in only a week. He was
starting to get accustomed to seeing his trim, sexy form in the
mirror as he carefully washed his face. He brushed his short hair,
trying to imagine ways to make it look as feminine as possible. He
wondered what Sally could do with it.
Joe finished by brushing his teeth, and then, almost as an
afterthought, powdered his body with the scented bath powder.
When he finished, he ran water into the sink, and added some
soap. He hand washed the nylons he had worn that day, and then
started on his underwear. When he was about to drop the black
thong into the soapy water, Joe noticed the faint white mark of
vaginal discharge on the black cotton crotch lining. He smiled as
he thought of how it got there. Being around his friend Jay often
made him feel funny, and when that happened he soon felt his
underpants become wet. The new excitement had left its mark.
Would it be followed one of these days by the blood of menstrual
flow as the nurse at the clinic had advised them? He carefully
washed all trace of stain from the little panties.
After Joe draped the hose and underwear over the handle of the
shower door, he went out into the bedroom. He hadn't put any
clothes on, and he was wondering if he should wear something when
Linda came into his room again. She had showered too, and now wore
a pink silk, or satin night shirt.
She looked at him, standing naked.
"Would you like something to wear to bed?" Linda asked, seeing
Joe's somewhat embarrassed look.
"I don't know." He said. "So you think I should?" Before he
had been changed, Joe always slept in the nude.
"It's really up to you." Linda said. "When I'm by myself, I
usually like to wear something," she confided.
"I'll see what I have." Joe said. "I don't think I have much
but a T-shirt though."
"Would you like to borrow something from me?" Linda asked,
smiling. She wanted to help, but she didn't want to offend him.
"What do you suggest?" Joe asked. He found it embarrassing
for him to borrow clothes from Linda, especially since they now
sometimes fit him better than they did her.
"I'm sure I have another shirt like this." She said. "Or I
think I have some pajamas."
"I'll try the shirt." Joe said. The air conditioner had come
on, and it was making him feel cold. The chilled air made his
nipples change from soft full cones to points that looked stiff as
rocks. He cupped his breasts in his hands, not liking the
sensation when they bounced as he followed Linda to her room.
Linda looked through her lingerie drawer and came up with a
light blue, satin night shirt. It had a stretchy, fitted bodice,
with no decoration but a small bow at the neckline. It had short
sleeves, and below the breasts, was made to fit very loosely. She
handed it to Joe.
"Try this." She said.
Joe took the satiny garment and pulled it over his head. It
smelled lightly of Linda's perfume. When it was on, he looked down
at himself. The little satin shirt came to just below his crotch.
It covered everything that needed to be covered, and it felt
amazingly warm. His breasts were outlined by the soft, fluid
fabric. He could feel the fabric rubbing against his hardening
nipples as his breasts swayed gently back and forth with his every
move. Why does everything women wear have to look and to feel so
damn erotic, he thought?
"I think I like it." Joe said, grinning sheepishly.
"It looks nice on you." Linda said. "But then, everything
looks nice on you." She mockingly put her hands up in disgust.
Joe went back into his own bedroom, and Linda followed.
"Do you mind if I sleep in here?" Linda asked.
"No, it's all right with me." Joe said. "I was thinking of
reading for a while though."
"That's OK with me." Linda said.
Joe pulled back the spread and sheet, then turned off the room
light at the switch, leaving on only the lamp at the night stand.
Linda crawled into bed, and Joe followed, and as he did, he noticed
that she wore white cotton panties under the night shirt. She had
never worn underpants to bed since they had been sleeping together
regularly, and he wondered why she did so now.
"What's with the underwear?" He questioned.
"I think I'm going to start my period soon." Linda said. "I
decided to wear a pad, just in case."
"How do you know that?" Joe asked. He was very curious, since
it was likely that the same thing was going to happen to him
eventually.
"Well, it's coming up on the time," she continued. "And I'm
starting to get cramps, just a little."
"What do cramps feel like?" Joe asked. "Where do you feel them?"
"I don't know." Linda said. "They hurt, well not hurt
exactly, not yet, more like just a dull ache in my lower abdomen.
My breasts feel full too, I'm guess I'm starting to retain water,
you'll know what it feels like when it happens."
"I just don't want to get blood all over everything." Joe
said. "I have this fear that I'm going to wake up one of these
mornings, oozing blood." He grinned.
"I don't know what's going to happen with you." Linda
considered. "You may not be like the average girl, but if you are,
you'll probably just spot lightly at first. You'll likely have
plenty of warning your first time. Don't spend any time worrying
about it, Joe, It probably won't be that bad."
"I hope you're right." Joe said warily.
He pulled the sheet up to just below his satin covered breasts
and retrieved the book that Karen had suggested he read. Linda was
content to lie awake, watching him read.
Sitting half erect in bed, with two pillows propping him up
comfortably, Joe resumed reading where he had left off days ago.
He quickly became immersed in the explanation of genetics, chromo-
somes, and sexual differentiation and characteristics, which was
the subject of the text. As he read on, and learned about the very
things which he was told had been affected in his own body, he
would sometimes touch himself, feeling a breast, nipple, or hip
bone. He forgot that Linda was lying at his side, watching him in
silent amusement.
After she lay silent for maybe a half hour, she just had to speak.
"What's that book about?" She asked after she watched Joe feel
his protruding hip bone as he read.
"Well, it's a medical text, actually." Joe told her. "It's a
little hard to follow, but it explains the difference between the
sexes, from a genetic, or chromosome level. It covers some of the
abnormalities which are known to exist, and gets into why they
happen."
"Is there anything about what happened to you?" Linda asked.
"No, not so far anyway." Joe said. "Everything so far has
been about genetic abnormalities which exist from birth. I think
maybe we're the first this has happened to."
"It must really be interesting, the way it holds your
attention." Linda said, rubbing Joe's arm.
"It is interesting." Joe said. "I've always been fascinated
with genetics. I just never thought I'd have such a strong reason
to get more interested."
"Joe," Linda said, trying to get his full attention. "Joe,
if you ever want to be with somebody else, a guy or whatever, if
you want to know what it's like, don't worry, I'd understand."
Joe looked at her. He felt warmth come to his face as he
blushed. He reached down and took her hand in his own.After a long moment of silence, he began to speak. "I appreciate that," he said, smiling. He wondered if he
should tell her about Jay. Then he decided it was best not to.
"The truth is," Joe continued slowly, trying to find the words
he wanted to use. "I really don't know what I want anymore. Here
I am, my body seems to be all screwed up, my penis feels like it
pulled up inside me. It's still all there, even if it looks the size
of a pencil eraser. And my chest, well you can see what's happened
to it, but overall I don't feel like I'm missing anything, I'm all
still here, just re-arranged a little bit." He grinned at his
description of what happened to his body.
"If it so happens that I look female, and I must agree that I
do, then maybe that's what I am. I don't know, I don't really feel
like I'm female, I don't even know what a female is supposed to
feel like." He went on. "All I feel like is me. And I know that
for the last few days, my feelings, my desires, they've been
wondering all over the place."
"Do I want to be with a man? Hell, the idea of it scares me
to death, and yet, look at me. If I'm going to have to be this way
the rest of my life, maybe I should consider it. I know that guys,
men seem different to me now, I can't explain it, maybe because
they act different around me too, I don't know."
"When I think of what my life might be like if I have to stay
this way, Sometimes it all seems like a dream, sometimes a good
dream, sometimes a more like a nightmare." Joe went on. "If I'm
going to start living as a woman, then I'm pretty sure I don't want
to live as a lesbian. I don't think that's what I am now, even
with you. I still feel like a guy, a strange looking one maybe, I
agree, but I just can't think of us as two women, not yet anyway,
but that's probably changing. I can't look at myself in the mirror
much longer without seeing the female I guess I've become, looking
back."
"You can see it, too," Joe said to Linda. "A few days ago,
last week, I wouldn't have worn this, (He pulled at the stretchy
fabric of the sleepshirt bodice.) I would have been too embar-
rassed. But now, I think even my mind, my brain, is changing,
accepting, this new perception of who I am, I suspect even that
might still be changing. Do you have any idea what it's like to
have that happen?"
"I couldn't imagine." Linda said.
"Well, of everything that has happened so far, it's been the
most difficult part. " Joe answered his own question. "My body,
I guess I can get used to that, some of what's happened is even
kind of fun, I admit, I'm a little concerned about getting periods,
getting pregnant, stuff like that. But I guess I've resigned
myself, and some of it all is kind of interesting. You probably
don't even know how fantastic it feels to have your sense of touch
heightened like this, it's all you've ever known."
"Yeah. It doesn't seem so special to me." Linda agreed.
Joe put the book on the night stand. He switched off the
lamp, and reached for Linda in the dark. When she felt his
advances, she reached out for him, and they hugged each other
tightly. In only a few minutes, they fell asleep in each other's
arms.
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